Passages Retreat
Third Talk

6:15 P.M. Third Talk: Christian Values

Opening Song

Earlier today we made several important points about our lives.

First: I am unique and different. There is no one like me.

Second: My values help me to be unique. There is no one who has the same set of values that I do.

Third: I have changed – and continue to change – as I grow. I am no longer a child. Valuables are no longer as important as they once were. My values have become more and more important, especially since they help me in my relationships with others.

Sometimes it’s hard to change the way we look at things. For example, when we were children we might have looked at religion as just another set of rules and regulations, or we might have thought of God as someone who keeps checking up on us to see when we’ve done “bad things.” These are childish ways of looking at God, however. As we grow we come to see God as a loving Father. We see Jesus as a loving friend who accepts us for who we are, no matter what.

Like all good friends, Jesus challenges us to be the best persons we can possibly be. He is concerned for our well-being and welfare. Like our parents, Jesus also offers us values by which to live our lives. Some of them may be familiar to you. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” – the Golden Rule – is probably the most familiar value which Jesus gives us.

The most important value that Jesus gives us – in fact, the value upon which al Christian values are based and which explains why we do everything we do – is love: “Love God above all else: love neighbors as you love yourself.” We might call this the greatest value of them all.

Give an example of a person who loves you without condition. Explain how everything they do is based on their love for and commitment to you.

Thinking about the importance of love, or any other value, for that matter, is not enough. Like all values, love requires action. Our love becomes active through caring. And each letter of the word “caring” stands for a specific, important value which helps us to love God, to love others, and to love ourselves.

C stands for concern. I cannot love others if I do not accept them as they are. When we try to change others to suit our needs, we fail to love them. The value known as acceptance challenges us to see others as unique and different. They are important to us precisely because they are different from us. We can’t force someone to become something that he or she isn’t, and none of us would consider a person who tried to make us be something we’re not a true friend.

Give an example of acceptance in your life – either an example of how you have learned to accept another person or an example of how others have accepted you for who you are.

R stands for responsibility. Being responsible means two things:

Number one: Responsibility means always trying to do the right thing. Sometimes we’re not sure how we should act toward others. If someone insults us, for example, there are a number of ways we might deal with them. Being responsible means that we will always try to do what is best and loving; if we do the wrong thing, we should be willing to admit it and move on in our lives.

Number two: Responsibility is the ability to respond to others. Jesus continually responded to those around Him. He wasn’t afraid to stick up for people who were condemned by others. Once Jesus encountered a group of men who wanted to kill a woman who had been caught having sex with someone. In fact, the value system these men followed said that killing a woman under such circumstances was perfectly okay. Jesus stuck up for her. He said to the men, “If you have never sinned, you can throw the first stone at her.” The men left. Jesus responded to the woman, who was probably really scared at this point, by saying, “Go in peace; sin no more.” By responding to her lovingly, He made a terrific change in her life.

Give an example of responsibility as you’ve experienced it

I stands for integrity. Integrity means trust and honesty. I cannot put love into action if others cannot trust me or if I am not honest with others and with myself.

Did you ever tell someone you trusted a secret, only to discover that they told others about it? How did you feel? Solicit responses from the candidates. None of us trusts a dishonest person, and no one will trust us if we are not honest with them.

Offer an example of how you try to be trustworthy and honest, OR give an example of a time when you may have lost a friendship because you weren’t trustworthy or honest.

N stands for nurturing. Nurturing means being willing to strengthen and build up others. A new-born baby needs to be nurtured. A loving parent does everything to strengthen and build up his or her child as it grows and matures. The baby is fed, clothed, tickled, held, hugged, cuddled. Without nurturing, a baby can not grow and mature, much less live.

When we nurture others, we help them grow. We build them up and strengthen them. Love is impossible if we continually criticize, gossip, condemn, or tear down others. Instead of nurturing them, we destroy them.

Give an example of how someone nurtured you.

Finally, G is for giving. To love means to give our time, our energy, and our abilities to others. There’s an old saying, “Tis better to give than to receive.” How true this is! In a loving friendship, we cannot be concerned with what we’re going to get out of it; rather, we should be concerned with what we’re going to give.

Jesus was a perfect example of selfless giving. He went so far as to give His very life for us: “There is no greater love than to lay down your life for your friends,” Jesus says. He expected nothing in return – except for our love.

Give an example of someone who gives their love to you without expecting anything in return.

Each of the values we’ve just discussed – concern, acceptance, responsibility, integrity, nurturing, and giving – is an important Christian value which is necessary to put the greatest value – love – into action. They are not things we are simply supposed to “think about”; rather, they are things we are supposed to live.

Closing Song

7:00 P.M. Small Group Session 3

Small Group Session 3

Begin by asking each candidate to select one of the values mentioned in the talk and to give an example of how he/she has experienced it in his/her life. The leader should go last this time.

Then ask the candidates to close their eyes. Ask them to visualize a situation in which they failed to act on one of the values mentioned in the talk. Who was involved? How did we fail to put one or more of these values into action? Allow a few moments of silence. With eyes still closed, remind the candidates that the event was in the past, that we’ve changed since that happened, we’ve grown since then. “That was then; this is now.” God forgives us for such things; we need to forgive ourselves as well.

Spend a few moments with Jesus, knowing that He always forgives us. When you’re ready, you may open your eyes. (Allow a few moments of silence)

When candidates have all opened their eyes, invite them to join hands as a sign of how we are all united together in God’s love. The leader should invite everyone to pray, perhaps by thanking God for the forgiveness He always gives us, for the possibility He gives us to always change our lives, for the chance to begin again, for the opportunities we have to put our values into action even though we may have failed to do so in the past, for the loving people we’ve encountered, etc. Invite candidates to add to your spontaneous prayer. When the prayer is finished, take the group back to the meeting area.

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